Good Mourning Grief

A blog about my adventures as a grief warrior

Month: October 2025

The Choice to be Sunshine

October 26, 2025 /

Recently a friend was sharing with me his discoveries about life, living with a brain tumor. The bigger picture is becoming clearer. He seems to tolerate the meaningless details less. He is frustrated by his doctors’ lack of optimism. “They could keep their opinion to themselves”. He worries about the next MRI, the next possible seizure. And he truly misses the sweets he had to cut out of his diet to keep the (new) diabetes under control. His days are different, and he says his energy is now used to enjoy his present more.

He said visiting his ‘old buddies’ has a bigger importance. A priority for quick connections that always includes telling them how much they have meant, still mean to him. He has a deeper love for his wife, appreciating how much she worries and how many more tasks are on her list because of his health. He revels in the company of his children and grandchildren. Having lost his own father years ago, he sees how busy he was then to not fully comprehend his father’s death. Now facing a similar destiny, he talks to his children, planting seeds of fatherly wisdom that he hopes will bring them comfort one day.

He is currently enhancing their yard and hot tub area, which has always been his place of solace. “I want to enjoy it all winter…” his voice trails off. “And you will”, I say.  “You never know”, he replies. Day by day, we live in hope that we will see another sunrise. If only we could always grasp life like those who do when death is apparent.

How hard is this? To live each day fully. It seems impossible most times and I wince with envy at the ones who seem to have sunshine follow them effortlessly. My friend’s conversation kept me up all night. What was his secret? Somewhere, in the early morning, it dawned on me. Before his cancer diagnosis, he was sunshine. He still is sunshine. Just more intense. There is no secret. Sunshine is a choice. He chooses to be sunshine, to accept that the future is a gift yet to be opened, that to live in the now is where to seek joy. 

And if ‘the now’ isn’t good enough, change it. I have watched him over the last year, change the things that he could no longer do into new things he can do. I have watched his faith grow deeper as he leans on his God as the source of his power.  I watched him take control of possible challenges that would arise and solve them before they became bigger. I think the magic recipe to happiness is to know what you want and to go after it unapologetically.

He has encouraged me. The question, what do you want must be answered. He knows he wants a winter hot tub. Thus, it became clear what is needed to be done for that to happen. And the result will be a season of hot steamy soaks for my friend. How blissful is that!

I am going to hold a conversation with my grief. What does it need to be less rainstorm and more rainbow? And when the answer appears, I will chase it with gusto.

A Guide to Meet Your Angels

October 19, 2025 /

The fabulous, connective Mike Dooley of Notes from the Universe, offers 21-day courses of different topics that inspire, educate and enlighten. One course he aligned with Sonia Choquette to teach us about spirit guides and angels and how they can support one’s journey.

We start by considering our own spirit. Who are you? What does your spirit say, what does it want of you, for you? We move on to thinking about the spirit of those in our lives, our family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, understanding that each human body is a unique spirit. This belief enables us to relate to others with less judgement.  If we believe that each of us is a soul with individual lessons to learn and to share, then our meeting and interactions with this soul is purposeful.

Next, we begin exploring the idea of angels and spirit guides. Their role is to keep you safe, feeling assured throughout your life. There is a ministry of angels to which you can call upon for different reasons. We agree to being open to the idea that messages come to us through our angels.  We practice trusting in the idea angels will help us when we call out to them. It is like praying to God if you wanted to put the concept into a religious term. After all, we are taught in church that angels are the messengers of God.

Finally, we are ready to ‘meet’ our spirit guides.  Through meditation and journaling, Sonia tells us to look for simple, repeating signs as messages sent from our guides. They speak to us in many ways such as dreams, jokes, or symbols. Keeping an open mind that such things may be a possible sign your guide is communicating with you, you begin to decipher which ones are meaningful. A hint: angel messages give you strength, leaving you feeling refreshed. And with practice, you become aware which message is coming from which of your angels.

I took this course years ago. Yes, it is much like praying although with its more spiritual lens, it is fun to exercise. If I lost my keys, I would say, “lost & found angels, I need your help.” If I see a repetitive number or symbol, I stop to ponder what is behind this message.  I call out a lot to my healing angel for help with my concoction of health issues. Laugh, but it seems to work.  Even my daughter, skeptical when I first shared, has asked an angel or two for things. With success.

This practice is another way to strengthen your intuition, to take notice of what the Universe is telling us. We are not alone. We do have support from above. Our loved ones, including our children, are with us, guiding us on our path. Reflecting, I have had many messages before taking this course, that I now know were communications from above.

One strange message came to me on a visit to Canmore right after Zane was killed. We drove into town to see bubbles coming out of a storefront. We went in and on a shelf was a wooden sign.  It said, “I think my Guardian Angel drinks.” I stared at it and thought I could see Zane joking about this. Where was his guardian angel that night?  And then I smiled. It was Zane saying this. I bought the sign. It still makes me laugh. It is a reminder that divine messages are spoken, we just must be open to listening.

Moments of Thanksgiving

October 12, 2025 /

Thanksgiving, the annual event where family and friends gather to celebrate all that is good. It is a time to reflect on the experiences of the past year, being grateful for what we have received. “How lucky are we.” It is also a lonely time for those feeling not so lucky. This year, I have struggled and found myself questioning the meaning of the holiday.

For those in my close circle, life has been overshadowed by job loss, poor health, vanished love, and more death. All things no one wants to celebrate. And we are not a whoa-is-me clan. We rally, kick off the mud, and carry on. It just leaves us tired. And that shows hard this year. So, pulling out all my positive mantras and ‘happy camper’ attitudes, I challenged my summarization that this was a crappy year.

I have enjoyed family from afar that have come to visit us, filling my mind with new memories of laughter shared.

I am blessed to have travelled to Ireland with my daughter, husband and my son’s spirit. What an incredible trip that will always fill my heart with the joy of the experience of such a beautiful place. A bonus was my sweet friend, and her family joined to guide us through their homeland. And we all came back safe. Big thanks to Payton for making it happen.

I relished in my annual traditions. Going to Canmore, the Stampede, Mameo and summer drinks on roof top patios. I even enjoyed our tiny deck more this year, ensuring that cocktails became a daily pleasure in the afternoon sun.

Even alongside the tough moments, there have been glimmers of gratitude. Visits with a close friend who has a brain tumor; he continues to share his sense of humor with us, always managing to make us feel loved.  My ‘bonus kids’ inviting us to happy celebrations and calling on me for support in rough times. How lucky am I to be able to be there for them. And they for me. Blessings sometime come wrapped up in the strength of connection to face adversity.

Attitudes of how we view life are empowering. It is the only control we have; the decision how we choose to look at what we are dealt with. The good, the bad and the ugly. Challenging times can dominate the better times, and we tend to wallow in a pool of self-claimed pity. It leads us away from the high vibrancy level we need to be our best for those here and those on the other realm. While I believe in having a deserving minute to pout…staying there is not an option for good health.  

Perhaps that is my Thanksgiving lesson. Knowing that each moment is its own, I must live each moment, regardless of its content, accepting that the next moment will be different.  Although this year has brought big sadness and new concerns, if I choose to thrive in the moments of Thanksgiving that were also served this year, I will find the strength I need.

May each of you hold close to the people and things that bring you peace, that give you joy. And may you receive blessings that remind you, even in our dark days, there are bright moments. Hang tight to those.

Using Music As a Time Machine

October 5, 2025 /

Recently I had the opportunity to look after a friend’s home while she was away. We kidded it might be a vacation for me. Although work was still on the calendar, I did rearrange things such that I had a lot of time alone. What I discovered was a missing piece to my serenity.

Only my family knew where I was staying, and they honored me with the solitude I was asking for. When I first arrived, my mornings began reading a chapter of my book and then a meditation in the sunshine of her east backyard. The only sound was the passing of cars.  I spent the day working from her bright kitchen, taking time for lunch and finishing early to run errands or meet a friend for happy hour. I’d come home to the smells of the crockpot dinner I had organized earlier.

All this made me feel brave enough to experiment. I poured a glass of wine and asked Google to play Boston. I wasn’t sure if the music would trigger me when I was feeling so Zen-like and thought if it did, it didn’t matter.  I was alone. As if my Angels were thinking the same thing, the first song to come over the speaker was “More than a feeling”-my favorite. It took me back to the summer of 1977 in Montana and I found myself dancing, singing the lyrics out loud. The songs took me back to the girl I used to be.

I enlisted this musical therapy each afternoon after that. Asking Google to play Journey, Cat Stevens, Shawn Phillips, Roberta Flack. The music of my youth. Before I got busy, old, forgotten.  They were affirmations that rejuvenated something deep within. They carried laughter and tears with each tune.

And with each play, I remembered the messages that became the foundation of my beliefs, of what I wanted for earth, for life, for love. For myself. I couldn’t wait for the workday to end such that I would be alone, sitting and listening to the lessons taught to me in the early days.  Before regrets, before tragedy.

“…The girl child of loveliness…woman, angry now… woman, of the land, …” I am back to my youth. I am wearing long flowing dresses of cotton, and gold bangles adorn my arm. I am fearless. I am confident. I am saving the underdog. I have purpose. The music of my youth flooded over me with happy memories of all that was possible. I am transferred to another time.  And then the songs end, and I sit in the quiet and ask myself, “Where, oh God, where is she now?”

Music is powerful because it speaks to the soul. The lyrics are lessons, reminders, encouragement of who we are. Or were. Or want to be. When we are young, they are idealistic. Listening to the lyrics now, much older, the phrases cut deeper, shout out louder. That was the interesting discovery I made listening to music from my youth.

 Songs can fill our heart with hope, joy or at the very least, reflection. Music was so important to me. It was my lifeline in times when I was struggling and felt that no one was listening. Zane loved music. It was his lifeline also. Maybe for the same reasons. Maybe for different reasons. I can add that to my list of topics to talk to him about when we are together again.

What I do know is that his love for music, he shared with me. I get how and why it is the best free therapy available. I am glad he consumed it. His love for music was why it has always been my biggest trigger. In my grief, I was forgetting that it is also therapy. Therapy that I didn’t know I needed until I was singing along with the memories of my own youth.

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