We had met a father in our early grief days who had a quote he would say to the (new) friends he met through group counselling, “you are the friend I wish I had never met.” It is a true statement that I have adopted. I have many girlfriends now who I have met and share a deep bond with because we have one major thing in common.  We are grieving mothers.

In 2010, Carlie Dudley, started Grieving Mother’s Day to honor those mothers who have had a child pass. Her own son, Christian, was the motivation behind this, choosing the Sunday before Mother’s Day to honor our role as mothers of angels. Each year, I now celebrate both Sundays. One with my family and earthly children and the other with my grief gals.

This year, six or seven of us will gather at Reader’s Rock Café in Union Cemetery. This peaceful site is scattered with tombstones of loved ones passed and in the centre of it is a heritage house that is filled with the smells of a good coffee and brunch. We will share updates on living with grief, tell stories of Mother’s Days past and after brunch, we will stroll along the paths lined with spring flowers and everything green.  We will stop to take turns calling our children from the wind phone.

The wind phone, I have talked about before, is a beautiful tribute to the idea of connecting to your loved ones in Heaven via a rotary phone that you pick up, dial their number, and speak to them. If you are quiet, you will hear their reply. I have called Zane a few times on this phone and each time it hits me harder than anticipated when I dial his old number. I can hear him say, “hey mama, what’s up?” And the conversation begins.

Is it strange I look forward to this morning with my girlfriends? I don’t think so. I see these events as part of my healing. There is a comfort found amongst us that we are not alone.  A strength found in the sharing of the pain we all carry and yet continue to move forward. There is joy found in the recognition of our children through the stories of their unique and impactful time on earth. 

These are the friends I wish I had never met. And yet, without them, I would be adrift. They are the ones that understand only what can be understood through great loss. They are the ones that say “I know” because they know. They are the ones that truly understand how hard it is to face every day with a heart that is broken. To smile when you are angry. To laugh when you want to cry. They are the ones who feel the same pain. The pain of a grieving mother.

We are all hoping for good weather to enjoy the cemetery grounds. It is a beautiful, serene time shared with the spirits of so many amongst us. There is a strange vibe there, an encompassing energy of the reality that eternity is ours. That our loved ones are not gone. Each time I visit, I leave with a peace inside that we will always be connected. A beautiful feeling, especially on Mother’s Day.