There is a library onto its own to support dealing with the many varieties and levels of grief. Some of the books I have read, I have had a hard time getting through and others I can’t put down.  “It’s OK That You’re Not OK” is one of those page turners!  Written by Megan Devine, a therapist who was thrown into our community witnessing the accidental drowning of her partner, Megan writes from professional and personal experience.

Megan’s early grief was the inspiration behind this book, experiencing first-hand the reception and expectations our culture has related to death.  She gets us.  She writes…

“I remember my own early days after my partner drowned-shoving myself out into the world…. doing what was reasonable, expected, ordinary….”  “All the while, beside me, inside me, was the howling, shrieking, screaming mass of pain…”

She gives us permission to do what we need to do and take as long as we need.  Her book includes tips and exercises to support ourselves as we feel our pain. I knew the power of deep breaths before I read this, but did you know that to maximize the benefits of breathing, one should exhale longer than inhale.  Who knew?  And it works!

Her book clarifies commonalities grief has like how some of the people in our life step up and others seem to vanish.  She calls it, “Grief rearranges your address book”.  She is bold enough to say what we think when people compare our grief to the death of their goldfish. Yes, there are different levels of grief she points out, some grief is worse than others.  It’s the comparing of grief that is an attempt to ‘understand’ or empathize with us, to which it almost always backfires.

Her book is divided into four parts making it a great read in early grief or years later.  She even includes a handy checklist to give to friends and family on the “Do’s and Don’ts” if they wish to be truly helpful.

Because she walks our path, she also encourages us to be strong in our grief, to not shy from it and cave into the guidelines given by our society on when and how we should ‘be better’. This attitude will help our own grief and even bigger, there is hope that adapting these actions will educate those in our own community, bringing change to our culture. What a blessing that would be for us.  And for those who, sadly, will find themselves where we live now.   

This book is a must read.  I felt comforted, assured, hopeful and inspired.  I am not ok.  And that is ok. Thank you, Megan Devine, for helping us practice good mourning.