In the spring of 2018 I was under the care of a Professional for high blood pressure.  She wanted me to practice mindfulness.  Her theory was that if I was ‘more in the moment’ that I would feel less stressed, less anxious and less worried about things I have no control of.  In August (2018) at my appointment, she asked me if I was practicing being in the moment.  I shared with her my summer. In July, my daughter was driving my car home when a man ran a red light sending her to the hospital and my car to the salvage yard. As I dealt with insurance and her physiotherapy appointments while looking for another vehicle, I was also waiting for the results of a biopsy to rule out I had ovarian cancer….and then Zane was killed…what particular moment did she want me to be in?  Which one of any of my present moments did she think would bring me less worry and more peace?  Mindfulness was not a priority or a desire.  She agreed.

When you are grieving it is VERY difficult to be in the moment.  It is unbearably painful. The present sucks. And mindfulness is all about being and appreciating the present moment. Mindfulness is for the blessed.

So how does a grief warrior use mindfulness as a tool to mourn? You create a present that you can live in. You fill your calendar with things that might bring you joy like music or movies or wine with a friend who listens.  You create habits that support your mental and physical health like a walk in the park or a bike ride along the river.  You say yes to more cuddles with your pet and afternoons reading a good book. You collect and fill your home with things that bring you peace…pictures, plants, blankets that belonged to your loved one or that your loved one would have liked or that you yourself feel good about.  And you continue to honor and speak of your loved one.

By filling our days with as many things as we can that ground us; we can begin to build a present we can be mindful about.