Category: Good Readings (Page 1 of 5)

Suggested readings to support your grief

How to Discover Your Life Purpose by Dr. Jordan Blake

March 1, 2026 / Mama Fish / 0 Comments

The last book I bought in January was to be a pre-read to setting goals for the year. I had thought I was reading it to strengthen what I already know about values, but Dr. Blake’s writings had me starting all over again. And, although not the intention of the book, what I adapted was a beautiful way to follow what matters when living with grief.

He begins by telling the reader that purpose is not found (as most of us seek our purpose) but rather grown. “It’s not fixed. It evolves. It’s not a destination.” He asks us to see our purpose as a tree that begins with a seed. Through thought-provoking exercises, he has the reader dream about life without fear, letting go of what was supposed to be, the expectations of others before he asks the reader to select their values. Through this process I discovered that what I thought my first value was, didn’t align with what I (and my grief) want and need.

The book continues with discovering your passions and strengths and includes goal setting, small step actions towards these and the importance of reviewing how it’s going. It is a great tool for anyone wanting to better understand how to create a life that is filled with meaning.

How does this pertain to grief? Simple. Our values are usually chosen by what we care about, what we want of life, our attitude of what is important. Typical values such as success to which the goal might be getting a promotion or making more money. Or if the value is adventure, the goal might be planning a trip. When you think about grief as a persona with its own needs, attitudes and goals…what values would your grief want. I promise you it won’t be wealth.

Grief needs comfort. It needs compassion. It needs faith, family and respect. From the list given in this book, Dr. Blake suggests to not overthink what are your values, but to go with your gut. He asks the reader to highlight 10-15 values and then narrow it down to five. When I looked at the list through the eyes of my grief, the values were different. And since grief is the overpowering elephant in the room of my current life, I decided to choose those values.

Values are the seeds to which purpose grows. Your goals become how do you water these seeds. Common goals for grievers are reducing the pain of a broken heart, honoring our loved one, finding balance amongst the chaos, reducing the anger that lives within. If the chosen values align with these types of goals, the roots of purpose can begin to grow.

By the advice from the good doctor, if we move forward with these goals, holding tight to the values attached to them, we will begin to see changes in ourselves. They may begin as small changes, but they will be there and they may unsettle you but keep going. They will surely unsettle those in your life who want things to stay the same. However, we know we are not the same. So why would our values, our goals, and our purpose be the same? That ideology is freeing.

Our grief, with all its many negatives, could also be the ability to shift, reboot and move forward towards a stronger self and a deeper connection to our loved ones. Ironically, purpose may grow when we align our values to what our grief needs.

F**K Death by Steve Case

December 7, 2025 / Mama Fish

My favorite expression of anything ultimate is the “f” bomb. Yes, not lady like but uttering the word leaves no misunderstandings that whatever the word is related to is big. The book “F**K Death”, states that it is a guide to get you through grief without all the BS that accompanies it by well meaning people and our own evasions. I giggled at the title and felt I had to read it.

The book takes the reader through the five stages of grief with humor and profanity and a promise to help you heal. There is no slow start to this book, the first chapter starts with encouraging the reader to say it. F**k Death. It includes a list of sh*t that might make you feel better. My favorite tip is “…Talk to your dog. (They listen better than most humans.)”

Each chapter explains a stage of grief and offers suggestions on how to cope. The stage of denial, Steve has the reader do an exercise to become present, not focused on the past. Anger, he warns is a loud one, with a list of productive things you can do such as write out all things unfair. While anger is loud, the stage of depression is quiet. It is a big sense of aloneness. It runs deep and manifests in many ways. With depression, we must find ways to say “F**k you, Brain” and do something new.

It is acceptance that always gets me. Steve calls it ‘embracing the suckage’. This stage is all about moving on with your new normal. How do you find a new normal? Why would you want a new normal? I liked my old normal just fine. His tips about creating a new normal were gentle. “Don’t go changing jobs or moving across the country just yet.” Accept your feelings and re-engage with the living. Create a routine. Know the holidays are hell.

The book ends with a chapter about God and a bold statement that the Universe was here first. “The Universe owes you nothing.” It concludes with a promise; “That empty spot in your heart and soul…Grief makes room. Let love fill it.”

I enjoyed reading this book; I am not sure if it is best read in the beginning of grief or years into grief. You must be ok with the language to which I found the best part of the book. Steve has taken the expected stages of grief and illuminated them in a defiant tone that makes the reader better understand the raw emotions that accompany each stage. The book reaffirms it’s ok to lean into the ugly feelings and subtly suggests that this too shall pass. A big promise that whether or not can come to fruition, offers solace to a broken heart.

Dear Drew by Melissa Hull

November 16, 2025 / Mama Fish

Melissa Hull is an internationally recognized voice in grief recovery. Her book, Dear Drew, is about dealing with grief, guilt and discovering resiliency. Her experience comes from the trauma of her young son who passed in a drowning accident. Writing this book, she hoped to help the reader create a life bigger than their grief.

She begins by telling the reader to find an agency; this can be a person, place, anything that offers hope when grief first arrives. It is a grounding stone. She then expands on how to strengthen the agency through practices, insight and reflection, each chapter starting with a note to her son, “Dear Drew”.

Her story is about her personal journey of losing her son and the guilt that consumed her. She shares her struggles to keep functioning for the sake of her other son, how the stress affected her marriage and the judgement she experienced from others. Her path to survival was found when she became a public speaker sharing the importance of water safety. The positive feedback of how her talk gave answers, power, and forgiveness became her ability to move forward. At the end of each chapter she shares tips of what helped her that might also help another.

The moment of agency is the notion I found most interesting. She writes, “To find empowerment in pain, we must recognize and seize the moment of agency.” Agency is about living by choice or by consequence. Discovering a (new) vision or goals after loss. With every choice presenting itself, each must ask if it is aligned with one’s value system. Does it open more possibilities to heal. The freedom within agency, to choose or not to choose, gives one control in a life where control was taken away. Recognizing when agency appears, and following the path that is for our better good is how we might rebuild.

Her framework, P.U.R.P.O.S.E. are the steps she took to lead her to a more fulfilling life. Pause & reflect on what matters most. Understand what your triggers and your strengths are. Reach out for support. Pursue small steps daily that involve a hobby or passion project. Open yourself to joy. Set boundaries to protect your energy. Embrace growth knowing that it is never-ending.

As I read this book, I am in awe of the space she now holds after her son’s death. She is a professional grief warrior. I must remind myself that her journey began in May of 2000. Drew was four years old. This book was published in 2025 and is about a beautiful mother who has walked her path for twenty-five years, sharing her truth, her purpose, while practicing her own advice. Her testimony sheds light to how we can morph into something else after great loss. I found her story encouraging and yet it held a gentle reminder that I have a long way to go. Her reassurance is that agency will bring purpose through which healing is possible, even if there is no finish line in grief.

A Guide to Meet Your Angels

October 19, 2025 / Mama Fish

The fabulous, connective Mike Dooley of Notes from the Universe, offers 21-day courses of different topics that inspire, educate and enlighten. One course he aligned with Sonia Choquette to teach us about spirit guides and angels and how they can support one’s journey.

We start by considering our own spirit. Who are you? What does your spirit say, what does it want of you, for you? We move on to thinking about the spirit of those in our lives, our family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, understanding that each human body is a unique spirit. This belief enables us to relate to others with less judgement. If we believe that each of us is a soul with individual lessons to learn and to share, then our meeting and interactions with this soul is purposeful.

Next, we begin exploring the idea of angels and spirit guides. Their role is to keep you safe, feeling assured throughout your life. There is a ministry of angels to which you can call upon for different reasons. We agree to being open to the idea that messages come to us through our angels. We practice trusting in the idea angels will help us when we call out to them. It is like praying to God if you wanted to put the concept into a religious term. After all, we are taught in church that angels are the messengers of God.

Finally, we are ready to ‘meet’ our spirit guides. Through meditation and journaling, Sonia tells us to look for simple, repeating signs as messages sent from our guides. They speak to us in many ways such as dreams, jokes, or symbols. Keeping an open mind that such things may be a possible sign your guide is communicating with you, you begin to decipher which ones are meaningful. A hint: angel messages give you strength, leaving you feeling refreshed. And with practice, you become aware which message is coming from which of your angels.

I took this course years ago. Yes, it is much like praying although with its more spiritual lens, it is fun to exercise. If I lost my keys, I would say, “lost & found angels, I need your help.” If I see a repetitive number or symbol, I stop to ponder what is behind this message. I call out a lot to my healing angel for help with my concoction of health issues. Laugh, but it seems to work. Even my daughter, skeptical when I first shared, has asked an angel or two for things. With success.

This practice is another way to strengthen your intuition, to take notice of what the Universe is telling us. We are not alone. We do have support from above. Our loved ones, including our children, are with us, guiding us on our path. Reflecting, I have had many messages before taking this course, that I now know were communications from above.

One strange message came to me on a visit to Canmore right after Zane was killed. We drove into town to see bubbles coming out of a storefront. We went in and on a shelf was a wooden sign. It said, “I think my Guardian Angel drinks.” I stared at it and thought I could see Zane joking about this. Where was his guardian angel that night? And then I smiled. It was Zane saying this. I bought the sign. It still makes me laugh. It is a reminder that divine messages are spoken, we just must be open to listening.

Finding the Blue Sky by Joseph Emet

August 24, 2025 / Mama Fish

Grief brings with it a lot of negative thinking. Happiness is elusive. The book “Finding the Blue Sky” by Joseph Emet was a suggested read for me to help move my own grey clouds. An enlightening read containing twelve chapters. Each begins with a story, then a reflection and a practice. It is a book that I will be sharing with my grief circle as another tool to help ease our pain.

Mr. Emet speaks of the importance of regulating our moods to obtain balance. Only in finding balance, will we experience peace. How this comes to be we tend to complicate unnecessarily. We become caught up in ‘our own story’ to which can keep us closed to understanding the pain of others. He shares the story of a noisy neighbor who kept him up all night and when the neighbor shared with him of his multiple losses, Mr. Emet writes, “…all traces of “poor me” slowly drained out of my own story of the night before.” Being open to the fact that all of us are struggling doesn’t make us happy, it makes us compassionate. He reminds us that there are also stories within stories. You must be aware of the purpose of your story; of the effect your story has on you. Our stories can deplete our happiness. He suggests “Do not give up on your happiness. Give up the story you are telling yourself instead.”

How do those grieving change their story? How does our story of loss hold any happiness? Mr. Emet had his work cut out to prove this to me as I continued reading. And the following chapters reaffirmed what we already know. In his delightful and soothing compilations, he reminded me that I must not apologize for my grief. I must own it. I must tend to it through meditation, patience and self-care.

We must be mindful of our real needs and value them. “If we don’t value our needs, others may not value them either.” Mr. Emet suggests that needs can be satisfied through fun. Involving ourselves in activities that we enjoy, is a form of self-care. We can connect and appreciate the ‘right now’ better. This practice of including fun in our lives helps with our relationships with others and our own self growth.

“We see the world differently depending on our emotional state”. This is so true for those of us whose eternal emotional state is bittersweet. His suggestion is to train your brain to stay in the here and now, to thank your brain for each thought but to not get caught up in that thought. This practice can help wake our soul to what happens, “…not when the alarm rings, but when the meditation bell rings”.

An enlightening reminder is the tip from Mr. Emet, “Don’t get in your own way”. He writes, “If you want to go someplace, take your foot off the brake.” So often when grieving we get stuck. Fear, heartache, lack of energy are all realities that hinder exploring happiness. We tend to stay put because we don’t want to leave our loved ones behind. We must remember that they are right beside us. They can be our driving partner. And with that belief, finding the blue sky, might be possible.

Keep Moving by Maggie Smith

July 27, 2025 / Mama Fish

My husband gifted me with a book he thought I might enjoy related to loss, creativity and change. The author, Maggie Smith, is a poet and her book was a different style from the other books on my shelf. I snuggled into what I thought would be an easy read.

Her loss was a marriage of almost nineteen years. To cope with her pain, she began each day writing a note to herself to answer the question, “What now?” And her answer inspired the last sentence of each thought, “Keep moving.” I wasn’t sure I would be able to relate to her suggestions. How could her grief compare to the loss of a child? Her first post was about the ending of one thing is the beginning of another, to not stay in the past…I realized this might not be such an easy read after all.

She has three sections to this book. Revision, resilience, transformation. Each chapter begins with her sharing an experience of hers, so you begin to get to know her story deeper. It is then followed by several poetic posts each ending with Keep Moving. Each post carries with it a reason or idea to ponder how one might better manage grief.

Some posts I debated. One of her first posts read, “Stop calling your heart broken; your heart works just fine. If you are feeling-love, anger, gratitude, grief-it is because your heart is doing its work. Let it. Keep Moving.” I believe that my heart is broken and such, I am learning to live with that. I am also in awe of how it does its work with such pain.

Some posts affirmed what every griever experiences, the resistance of transformation. She writes, “It is not your job to make other people comfortable with who you are. Be wary of those who don’t want you to change or grow. Grow anyway-there is no alternative. Keep Moving.” Sound advice for anyone having to move forward by choice or by fate.

Other posts were profound. “Sit with your doubt, your questions, your fear of the unknown, and do your best to be comfortable with them. Remember that you have no choice; knowing everything isn’t an option. Don’t compound your anxiety by being ashamed of it. Keep Moving.”

Her address to how we feel weary, she refers to as soul hangovers to which she encourages the reader, “…Even as you carry darkness inside you, shine. Defy the darkness by shining. Keep Moving.”

And I think that is my favorite takeaway from this book, her mantra Keep Moving. With grief, often we feel as if we move forward only to fall back, again. But we get up and we keep going, we keep moving in the direction of hope. We keep moving with the memories of our loved ones. We keep moving to honor, to celebrate their love. We keep moving towards the possibility of peace, of connection. We keep moving because we must.

“Just a Dream Away” by Claudia Carlton Lambright”

June 22, 2025 / Mama Fish

I found a note I wrote to myself from August of 2021 which read, “my dream last night, Zane approached me and told me to buy the book Just a Dream Away.” I have no recollection of why I didn’t buy it right away and I don’t have an explanation of why I rediscovered the note. I can only imagine, the Universe decided to nudge me. Better late than never, I bought the book and read it.

Claudia, the author, writes about the after-death communication she has with her father and her spouse. It is written in short, easy-to-read chapters, beginning with the loss of her beloved father who began showing up in her dreams about a month after he passed. Claudia, who has been invested in dreamwork since she was a child, explains to the reader of the two altered states of consciousness when we fall asleep and wake up. She also talks about the concept of lucid dreaming whereby one can learn to hold conversations with those they dream about within the dream. The idea of communicating with those of the other realm is fascinating.

She writes, “Death is an ending only for the survivors. For the dying person, it is just a change in frequency.” If we believe that we are made of energy, and science tells us that energy can never vanish, it only changes form, then we can believe that as energy, our loved ones are still around. In our sleep, our subconscious energy can reach those who have passed and connect with their energy through our dreams. It is a very hopeful theory that she shares her experiences of its truth.

Six years after her father had passed, her husband Rusty passed of metastatic lung cancer. The dragonfly, their favorite song, were signs that Claudia knew were Rusty letting her know he was still with her. Shortly after his passing, the dream communications began. She shares her many dreams with the readers and her interpretations of what they meant. She talks about how, with practice, we can become aware when we are dreaming and engage in questions and conversations to remember when we wake. This is the power and beauty of lucid dreaming.

We all dream, the challenge is remembering them. Claudia suggests falling asleep with intention. “Tonight, I will realize I’m dreaming”. Write your dreams down as soon as you wake, while the memory is fresh. Speaking the mantra “raom gaom”, pronounced “rah…ohm..gah..ohm”, can help recapture lost parts of a dream. And practice. Practice. Practice.

My husband speaks of how I live two full lives. One here, with family and friends, and one, when I retire to bed, to connect with my son and other loved ones. I am grateful to travel to other realms. I practice it often and although I do not receive a visit every night, I often do. Claudia’s book was validation that lucid dreaming can link us, confirming that those we love are never truly gone.

The Anxiety of Grief by Dr Wolfelt

May 18, 2025 / Mama Fish

Anxiety seems to be a common emotion. Too common. Zane used to ponder how his generation seemed ‘perfect on paper’ but were full of anxiety, depression and worry. I’m not sure there is a one-size-fits-all answer but I do know that it is prevalent in our society and that everyone experiences it as some level at one time or another. So, how do we deal with it?

Dr. Wolfelt, the guru on grief, has a series of short reads related to different aspects of grief. One book in this series is “The Anxiety of Grief” which I picked up to read with the angst of spring hitting me hard and interested in how my grief compounds this unpleasant emotion.

As in his other books, he first defines the issue, in this case, what is anxiety, and then continues, probing the reader to make lists, complete thoughts on paper and to reflect to better understand why one is feeling this way. He outlines the emotional and physical effects of grief related to anxiety and warns us of the red flags when anxiety is trying to morph into a disorder. Avoidance, obsessive thinking and lack of self-care are the biggest flags.

Anxiety is brought on by the same things that trigger our grief. Certain holidays, milestones, or sensory experiences. Triggers that are not so obvious are hunger, dehydration, exhaustion and concurrent life stressors, like work or financial worry.

Dr. Wolfelt writes about the importance of expressing our anxiety. When one has suffered a loss, anxiety is a part of the grief experience. Managing anxiety can be done in the same ways as grief. He suggests meditating, writing, talking, finding a support group or sometimes just having a good cry. He speaks of the importance of tuning into your body and of creating a routine. I know that when my routine is respected, I feel calmer, in control. I am becoming protective of my routine to ease my anxiety and my grief.

He finishes the book by telling the reader of the importance of congruence. Congruence is expressing with words and actions how you are feeling; your outside matches your inside. It is your truth. Ignoring it will compound anxiety. We practice this with our grief and knowing that anxiety is part of grief, we can respect this emotion and put into place practices to ease it along side of our sadness.

Dr. Wolfelt states that “Your grief isn’t you. It’s something moving through you.” I have yet to believe that. I’m just getting comfortable with the idea that grief is the other side of love. I am not letting go of love, so if it is true that grief is loves counterpart, I must accept the darker side. I believe that my grief moves within me, not through me. It is here to stay. And learning how to deal with the emotions of my loss, including anxiety, can help grief move easier.

Grieving Room by Leanne Friesen

March 23, 2025 / Mama Fish

My latest read was about how many spaces our grief needs and how to build room for each. Leanne, a Pastor who tended to her Parish in their times of joy and sorrow, found herself personally dealing with grief, when her sister passed away after a long battle with cancer. Grief knocked the foundation of all she knew. Her book, Grieving Room, is the story of her journey to which she shares with the reader the different spaces that we need to give grief. It was one of the best written ‘how-to-survive-this-pain’ I have read.

Each chapter is about an area you need to make room for and how, through stories of her and her relationship with her sister, family and church members. And although, she explains at the beginning, that as a Pastor the book will have a faith-based thread to it, her references to the Christian bible are told in a story format such that the lesson has more of a spiritual tone rather than a religious one. For example, she writes about the popular belief that if you have enough faith in God, you’re loved one will be healed. She writes of how in fact it isn’t about believing and then receiving a miracle. The miracle sometimes is just more faith. Faith for strength. Faith for the ability to be there for our loved one. Faith for the possibilities of what will be next for them and for us. It is about having faith that more faith will be given to us.

Her chapter about giving room for rage made me laugh out loud. She shares the story of how angry she was her sister had died and how it infiltrated into her job. She gives the example of walking behind two elderly ladies at a weekend retreat. The ladies are sisters, laughing and walking arm in arm. Leanne followed behind them, furious that she was robbed of the same life with her sister. She writes, “I was angry that they were flaunting their sisterliness all over the place, right under my nose! I remember consciously resisting the urge to shove these old ladies in the mud.”

Her chapter about giving permission to not have room for more is a coping mechanism that many grievers do not adhere to. I know I didn’t in my early grief. Leanne reminds us that “grief gives you a constantly full glass.” Our ability to face even small challenges, to accept another appointment or request, will ensure that your grief will overflow. She talks about what it does to our bodies and the need for more rest, more alone time, suggesting we schedule it into our calendars. She reaffirms that reserving time to grieve does not mean you have to cry all night. It is about making time to sit with our grief and acknowledge the numerous facets of our loss.

The book ends, like most grief therapy books, that you will come to a place where the pain will become softer. A room for redemption, she calls it. A place in your life where the grief you carry, can be a supportive tool for others. I call it the land of bittersweet.

Some books related to death are not suitable in the early stages of grief; the message might be too extreme to comprehend. In my earlier years, I could not read about how one day I will experience a new and joyful existence. I still don’t really get that concept but Leanne’s writing is an easy and comforting read that is palpable at any stage. This is the book that gives you hope. And the tools to build room for that hope.

Love & Grief by Emily P. Bingham

February 16, 2025 / Mama Fish

The wording on the back cover of “Love and Grief” by Emily P. Bingham, was the reason I chose this book to read. It suggested that it helps “soften the pain…and maintain a lifelong connection” to our loved ones. Emily’s grief journey began when her husband passed of cancer when he was thirty-two. She claims in the first chapter that she survived her grief by exercising. I laughed out loud. Anyone who knows me knows I’m allergic to any form of physical exercise. How would this book be a good read for me? I read on and was glad I did.

The book is about her business moveTHRU and the six concepts of grief that she teaches to help with your grief journey. She defines the types of grief; the feelings it brings and includes twelve tips to maintain your lifelong connection. All in the first part of the book. I was hooked. The second part was about movement, and I thought here it comes…she’s going to tell me to sign up for a gym class.

I hesitantly kept reading, only to find that movement was more so about my feelings than my physical body. This chapter was about moving forward with your pain. Moving forward, not staying frozen. It was about our grief-averse society and how to live within its misunderstandings. It was about shifting your criticism to curiosity and changing the narrative of their death. She writes, “No, you cannot change the fact that your person died…but you can change the tragic trajectory moving forward. You can write the next chapter in a way that honors your deceased loved one and integrates them into your life…” The idea of changing the story, more so, continuing their story in a way that honors them and brings them forward with us is inspiring.

Exercise was brought up in a list of suggested activities to help one to move through common emotions. Subtle, simple ways for anyone to attempt. For instance, sadness can be supported through a walk in nature or meditation. I already do that! Anger is about screaming into or pounding a pillow. I already do that! She also suggests visiting a rage room which is now high on my list of things to do this year. Her moveTHRU method is an acronym to help you feel your pain and move forward with it to the love it also holds. This is an exercise even I can get into.

The last two parts of her book are about how we are forced to adapt to our life and by doing so, expand. This is always where I get stuck. How the death of Zane will morph me into this joyful being that has a clearly defined purpose and thrives within the newfangled world of grief tainted joy. I feel stuck. And then what I realized, reading this book, is that I’m not really stuck. I am doing the work. Somewhere I assumed there was a deadline where I would be that big and better version sooner than this. But there is no time limit on any part of grief. And if I believe that love is the other side of grief, that they are one, then growing and expanding is not a contract to be completed. It will be my whole lifetime; writing my story and within that, the next chapters that honor my loved ones.