When my father was dying, we discussed where his final resting place might be.  We agreed it would be with me.  He wanted nothing fancy.  “Put me in a cardboard box and as long as you want me, I will know that I am traveling with you and Jon”. That was 25 years ago and he is still travelling with us.

Choosing your child’s final resting spot is a whole other level.  It is something we should not have to think about, but for the community I live in, it is an ugly reality. This past weekend, our friends invited us to be a part of placing their son in his ‘final resting spot’. It was an experience I was not ready for.

Every detail they agonized over.  Choices of what to place in the tomb with his urn were made. His father wore his son’s clothes and took his baseball cap off to place with the other beloved items.   My husband spoke, welcoming their friends and together we shared our love for their son and their grief.

It was much like a memorial until it was time to seal the tomb. I had no idea it would affect me in the way that it did.  Watching the men lining the top with a heavy bond and then placing the lid to seal the urn and his personal belongings into a place for eternity was heart wrenching. I thought of our sons’ urn at home. I thought of my father’s urn. I can hold or speak to their urn at any time; I can move them from room to room. They are mobile. The thought of having their urns anywhere but with me, seems incomprehensible. And although I truly respect their decision, a final resting spot is not something I had thought about until that afternoon; witnessing the urn placed in a beautiful memorial marble tomb that we will not be able to hold or touch again.  It was final, too final for me.

Each of us has our reasons for what we do. Our choices are made to assist us with what we need to mourn. Each of us is different, yet with a lot of similarities. We want to honor our child, protect our child, and do right by our child, even after death.

Our friends ensured each detail was about their son.  His final resting place is near a pond where he might want to have fished. He is positioned to be ‘looking’ west, towards home. And it has a beautiful bench to sit on. As difficult as it was for them to place their son in a final resting spot, they feel it will bring some peace to know that he is forever safe in a place where all his friends and family can visit. Which we will do.