The holidays are here. It is a time of year when all messages are about  hearts coming home, being together, cheer and joy that becomes, to those grieving, a LOUD reminder that there sits ‘an empty chair’.   The pain is compounded when your loved one was born or passed this time of year.

This morning, friends from our grief community dropped by to bring us a piece of cake, napkins, chocolates, a sour candy cane and pictures of their sweet son.  Tomorrow he should be turning 27. I know they have planned this for the last while.  A distraction from the empty chair, they chose to create a celebration that had components of what would be happening if he was still living here on earth.

Celebrating what should be but cannot be isn’t easy.  It takes a lot of energy to which we have little or none. And how do we celebrate one that can no longer be physically here to enjoy it?  We do, by reminding ourselves that our children are still with us.  However you wish to define it; in spirit or energy or in your heart, our children are still with us. And keeping special occasions, including their favorites in your gatherings, is important.  I believe our children want us to celebrate them.  I believe it is a way to honor their life.  I believe it is a way to create space to remember them and the unique place they have in our lives.

I know, in the moments of planning a birthday sharing for their son, it brought my friends some comfort.  It created an opportunity for them to share stories about their son.  I now know sour candy is his favorite. I know blue is his favorite color. By creating a birthday remembrance for their son, and then sharing it with us, he is recognized and celebrated.   And that is good mourning.