The New Year or birthdays are the popular times to reflect and set new goals.  When the kids were young I was told September was a good month to set goals for moms.  It’s back to school, summer rest behind and the pace quickens; fall was a good time to set new plans, hopes and goals for the family.

For those of us grieving, I think D-Day, the ‘anniversary’ of your loved ones departure, is a good time to set new resolutions.  We are different now. Our plans for the future forever eliminated or changed. Goals are around surviving, remembering, battling grief and figuring out how to live with this pain for the rest of our lives. Resolutions can bring hope and action to what you need to battle your grief. I believe some resolutions are made unconsciously; our very first one was “you will always be remembered”.

This week marked 2 years since Zane was killed.  I spent the week reflecting.  What have I done over the last two years to mourn?  What have I done to honor my son? The past is blurry from grief so I sat to make a list:

I went to grief counselling, took a photography course and a blogging course.  I am learning as I grow.

I write letters to Zane, write poetry and journal.  I bought ‘the dude’-that’s another story.

I got a tattoo.  His printed words forever inked into my forearm bring me comfort.

I honored my son by advocating for his degree so that it is recorded he graduated from University (he was two courses shy of getting it).  I paid off his beloved car (well insurance did, but that’s just a detail).  I started a therapeutic photography project and a bursary in his name.

We host a BBQ on his birthday that provides a forum for his friends to come over and eat, drink and share stories of their adventures together. 

As I reflect it appears there is a close link between honoring your loved one and mourning.  When we honor those who are no longer physically here, it is an expression of our love for them.  It enables their existence to continue.  Yes, in a different way, but honoring them gives new memories of how they are a part of your life.  Still. 

These types of action are defined as mourning; an eternal expression of your grief. So honoring your loved ones is mourning. Take a moment to reflect and add to your resolutions, whenever you make them, how you will practice good mourning.