With my current busy schedule of work, move and family, I have not had any time alone. I know when I am this busy, I really need to practice healthy habits, so diet, sleep and little or no wine currently is my status quo. And yet I seem to be getting worse.  I blamed this on the stress and then I realized I have had no solitude.

Solitude is a buzz word. We are told that solitude brings you clarity and calm; it is the key ingredient to mindfulness.  When you live with grief, it is much, much more than a thing to try. It is essential to keeping a balance between grief and complex grief.

So often in our grief we don’t want to think, and therefore taking time out is not a desirable option.  But it is a tool every grief warrior needs. Spending time alone is not about being an introvert or extrovert.  It is not about being lonely; it is about being alone. There is a big difference.  

Solitude can be practiced in a multitude of ways.  You can meditate, write, walk, read a book or take photos.  It can be time spent on a hobby like sewing or scrapbooking.  It can be time set aside to quietly honor our loved one.   It does not take up your whole day; twenty minutes or an hour is all some might require. The important thing is to unplug and make solitude a part of your routine.

When we take the time out of each day to be alone, it enables us to quiet our brain and let what needs to come into our thoughts arrive without interruption. This practice gives you time to feel, to face and reflect on your grief.  Also importantly, it gives you time to check in with yourself. What do you need right now to help you through the day, the upcoming week? It gives you time to plan your next steps to ensure you are doing what is best for you and yours, including our children across the veil.

 Some moments of solitude can be painful, but like a grief spurt we know these moments are now part of our life. And the storm will pass, we keep breathing. What I find is that the more I take time to be alone, the higher my vibration rises.  It brings clearness and a feeling of refreshed strength to carry on.  And that is good mourning.