A Thanksgiving tradition around our table was to state what you were most grateful for that year.  Zane would always include mashed potatoes and dressing in his list. Any other side dishes were unnecessary.

It can be hard to feel grateful, especially during the holidays.  The deep, sincere feeling of true gratitude is tainted with the ache of not having your loved one physically sitting at the table. “Count your blessings” is harder to do when one of your biggest blessings is not here to mash the potatoes.

I am told that actively seeking things to be grateful for helps your grief. When we are grieving it is difficult to see past the pain; but if we can try, there are small and big things that we can be grateful for.

As a mom I know that the once happy traditions still need to go on.  It is very important that we keep up the celebrations of yesterday.  Yet a big piece is missing.  So each year I play with tradition just a bit; I try something new, tweak how things were done to ensure I am honoring both my family here and my family of the other realm.  

Of course I am grateful for my daughter, our family and our friends who have sustained us during our grief.  I am grateful for the professional care and the fellow parents I have met through group counselling.   And I remind myself, as I set the table, that each place setting there will sit an individual that I love and that shares this life with me.  There is comfort in that.  The fact that I have conjured up the strength to be with others, I am grateful for that.

  I believe that we grief warriors can find gratitude.  It is different than the gratitude I felt before Zane was killed.  It is softer.  It carries an awareness of how fragile special moments are.  It can remind us of the many things our loved one brought into our lives that we will always be grateful for.  Seeking gratitude is important; it gives our heart hope to carry on.