I kept a gratitude journal for over a decade.  I taught my children to do the same.  In some small way, recording five to ten things of what you were grateful for that day seems to put things into a better perspective.   When you are grieving, gratitude is difficult.

As we unpack in our tiny condo, I came across a journal of Zane’s.  The first entry, he had written, “today, one day becomes day one” and each day he had written 10 things he was grateful for.  His family, his friends were at the top of the list on many days. Some days he was grateful for a social day on a summer patio and other days his gratitude included having a home and a thick woolen blanket to snuggle in.  What I enjoyed about this journal was that he counted his blessings and his life was full of big and small experiences that brought him comfort and joy.

He had a months’ worth of writings in this journal. I pondered ripping the pages out and giving the journal away. I am trying to create more space in this small home; every item needs a place and a purpose to stay. I would keep his writings, which would take up less space than the whole journal would. And then I remembered what I am learning; if you want to see signs, you have to be open to them.

I have not been very grateful lately.  I am consumed with move, work and complicated grief.  Actually, I have become quite good at complaining.  Zane was always telling me, “you have to do with joy” and that, quite frankly, has been lost in the last years.

So I took finding this journal, specific to recording gratitude, as a sign. Here is my boy reminding me that I have a whole pile of things to be grateful for…and I better start writing them down daily to refresh my attitude.  I am picking up where his last page ended. And each day, I will list what I am grateful for.

Zane, you will always be top of my list.  Thank you.