A blog about my adventures as a grief warrior

Tag: #earthangel

An Angel on The Road

Awhile ago, we had picked up our daughter to go out for dinner and I absent mindedly left my cell phone on the roof of the car while I was organizing our seats. I didn’t notice it was gone until we were well on our way, and hoped somehow it would be under the seat. When we stopped and it was not there, I knew what had happened. I went to bed that night and said to Zane, “gather your Angels and find it for me, would you? It has your voice, your pictures, your texts in it.”

I don’t know if you can retrieve all that when you replace your cell phone or not. And I didn’t have to worry about it, because when I woke the next morning, there was my phone, sitting on the arm of my chair!  My husband had gone out early to look on the road for it and noticed a reply to a group text he had sent out the night before asking our family to look for my phone. The person replying identified themself as Kelly and said they worked for Alberta Highway Services and had found my phone on the side of the road at two in the morning. Kelly texted “…because the phone had battery life still and no password, I was able to open it up and saw this text that you were looking for it. I will leave it at the office.” Jon went to the office and brought it home.

I wrote Kelly a thank you note and asked Jon to deliver it so that it would not get lost in the mail. On our way to Costco, Jon commented that the truck next to us was an Alberta Highway Service truck.  Then he said, “wait!” and grabbed the note and told me to roll down my window and hand it to the guy and ask him to give it to Kelly. Jon honked the horn to get his attention, and I leaned out with the note extended and yelled, “can you give this to Kelly?” He stared at me puzzled. I continued, “Kelly, he works for Alberta Highway Services. He found my phone on the road, and I want to give him this thank you.” The man replied, “I’m Kelly!”

We pulled over and got out of our vehicles. We wanted to know the whole story. He told us that usually, they do not find small items and if they do, they give it to lost and found. But something happened that night.  He was driving along in his truck when something caught his attention. He wasn’t sure what it was.  He pulled over and saw my phone. “I don’t know if it was the reflection of the case but there seemed to be a little light blinking or something that caught my attention.”

I have always believed in Angels. I believe that my loved ones, especially Zane, look down upon us and work with ‘earth angels’ to watch over us. Earth angels are selfless people who unknowingly spread light, love, and positivity wherever they go. I know my phone was not lit up that night. It had laid there for hours and it was dark and on the side of the embankment. It was intuition that made Kelly stop. And my definition of intuition is the angels are speaking.  

We told him of the importance of my phone, of Zane, of what had happened. He shared with us that he has a young son, who he writes a continued text to about his days, his learnings and why it is important to be kind.  Then it clicked; the important connection my phone has with me. And he stopped speaking. He took a deep breath and apologized for getting emotional. I told him, “I believe it was Zane and his angels there (pointing to the sky) that work with the angels here and unknowingly you’re one of them.” I patted his arm. He modestly replied that he just likes to be kind and do the right thing and hopes he is teaching his son the same. Spoken like a true earth angel.

We Must Lead the Way

A mother in my grief circle posted it was her son’s first year anniversary and none of her family acknowledged it.  She felt guilty that she was upset with them for this. The overwhelming response (from those of us who know) was that this reception is sad but true. People forget. They move on. They expect us to do the same.  And this societal belief isolates us, deepening our grief. 

Our society does not know how to handle grief.  We like it to be wrapped up with a beautiful tribute at a tearful funeral and we then ‘move on’.  This is for many reasons.  Our loved ones don’t want to see us hurting.  They feel powerless that they can’t make us feel better.  They miss the person we were before the death. It is from a place of care that our loved ones try to hurry us along in our grief and get past it and back to ‘normal’. A normal we will never be able to go back to.

This desire is hard on us who are grieving. We too want to be our old selves. We wish life was normal but as that will not be now; we struggle to find new ways to go forward with this grief. It is difficult.  It is work to mourn and learn who you are becoming with grief as part of you now. This journey will cause friends to fall to the side, adding to our loss.  The friends that stay with us, these are our angels.

I recently had a chat with one of my angels in her new space. I had looked forward to seeing her. She met me with a hug and a tour of her creative room and we sat to catch up on life since we last spoke. She makes things so very natural.  We share the frustrations of our current climate, the hopes for new projects at work and the status of what our kids are up to.  And the true beauty of her is that our updates include Zane.  In her quiet and loving manner, she will speak of him and ask how I am doing with my grief journey.  She is interested and asks what I am presently doing to honor him and offers possibilities.  Her visit comforts me and I leave with a refreshed calm.

I am grateful, and lucky to have friends like her. I listen to my fellow grief warriors who feel alone that they have no person such as this.  I can’t imagine.  It adds to one’s grief.  It must. It demonstrates there is work we need to do to help our society understand and respond to grief better. We must help our loved ones be brave with the discomfort that comes with speaking of what has hurt us most.  We must lead them in conversation, reassuring them that we want to speak of our beloved.  That we need to speak of our beloved. We must remind them of special occasions of our beloved and share our desires and our expectations of what we need from them for these dates. It is up to us to lead the way because the alienation that comes from not sharing our grief or ignoring our grief is not good mourning.  We need more earth angels, like my precious friend, one of the few whose soul needs no training on how to be such a wonderful support.  

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