In my first year of grief, my therapist was trying to explain to me what the milestones of grieving are.  Apparently, some moms find their inner voice when a death happens.  Usually around the 1.5-year mark.  They become less tolerant, practice self-care more, speak their opinion and most importantly, know their truth. They become more assertive with a “this is who I am, take it or leave it” attitude. I had forgotten this.

Consumed with grief, I feel like I’m just trying to get through each day. But for about a year now, I have been experiencing less tolerance with those around me.  I have insisted on me time. I am asking, who is this person as I shout out another opinion that I wouldn’t have shared before. I was blaming the ugly nature of our current times.  Which I am sure has contributed to these feelings.  But it has not created them.  Grief has.

When our child dies, we do too.  We are left in shock and pain, changing us into something different.  We can never be the same.  We can’t because nothing will ever be the same again. This unbearable knowledge we can try to deny or resist but change will happen.  Death changes us. How it does, we have some control over.

When we realize that we can still have a (different) relationship with our loved one if we ‘vibrate’ higher, self-care becomes mandatory. When our energy focuses on healing, we become intolerant of irrelevant things that distract us. When we have experienced such injustice, like the death of a child, keeping quiet becomes a very hard thing to do.

If we know that grief changes us, if we can feel the change stirring within ourselves, then perhaps how we change, who we change into could be the focus. Surrendering to change does not mean we lose connection with our child or what we hold dear. No, surrendering to change empowers us to explore how we can connect more, deeper. It gives us a cleansing of what wasn’t working to leave room for what might work. It can be inspirational rather than depressing or frightening.

Who do we want to become to honor our children, to respect ourselves and to impact our community?  Let these questions motivate you to trying new things and exploring new ways to be you. Let the strength you carry be the catalyst. Let these discoveries bring with it hope. And let the changes show the world the eternal love you have for your child.