My daughter and I were shopping at the Good Will Store (one of my favorite places to find lost treasures) and I was pulled to the cart of items to go back on the shelves. Lying on the middle shelf was a book, “The Five Invitations.”  The cover read “discovering what death can teach us about living fully.” I picked it up and put it down. On our way to the cash register, something told me to go back and buy the book.  I’m glad I did.

Frank Ostaseski is the cofounder of the Zen Hospice Project, whose book is an encouragement to show up and be fully present in this life. This is not a new topic, but Frank has given us a blueprint of how to do that in five invitations which included examples from the people he cared for in hospice.  

The first invitation is about not waiting. Start living now. He writes, “…if we regarded dying as a final stage of growth…that held an unprecedented opportunity for transformation could we turn toward death like a master teacher and ask, “How, then, shall I live?” This invitation includes accepting the notion that death is merely another stage, that we continue as energy, that mindfulness supports fear and anxiety and the importance of forgiving others and our selves.

The second invitation is about welcoming everything, push away nothing. Frank tells us that this idea is the opposite to rejecting. By accepting what comes to us, what we experience is part of the plan to which we should trust. And that acceptance of this attitude is not resignation. “It is an opening to possibility, the basis for a skillful response to life.”

The third invitation Frank invites us to bring our whole self to the experience. It is about being a soul, not a role. How to listen, feel and follow your inner voice. This invitation agrees with how unfair, how difficult this life may be, and it reassures us that bringing all our emotions to the moment is permitted.

The fourth invitation is about finding a place to rest, the importance of slowing down or taking a reprieve. It is about the importance of mindfulness, meditation and how these practices bring awareness. “Awareness itself is the ultimate resting place.”

The fifth, and final invitation is about cultivating a don’t know mind. An interesting idea to be receptive, to meet whatever shows up as it is. It is not to seek ignorance but rather be curious and live in wonder.

I bought this book thinking it might be a good read for my clients, giving me greater insight or learnings of how to support those wishing to live life fully in the face of death. And it did. But it was also good for grief. The invitations align with the tools we use to soothe our pain and to explore connecting to our loved ones in a new way. The invitations can initiate a life of living fully, with those we love here, and with those we love across the realm.