One of our closest friends lost her husband to cancer this week. As I write this, the smells of soup and banana bread fill the air. These comfort foods will be packed and delivered to her later today. We will cry and laugh and share memories of her sweet Bill.
When Zane was killed our home was filled with friends bringing over cards, meals, gifts and hugs. Although the shock and the grief blurred all that happened that day and the months following, I remember the love. My nephew and his (new) wife brought over a Booster Juice each day, knowing I wasn’t eating. A close friend brought a Chai Latte over every morning for me. Our neighbour brought food and our friends cleaned our home, brought tents and chairs for the back yard and fed everyone that was visiting. When we decided to have Zane’s celebration in our back yard, our friends came over and rebuilt our old deck. One of those friends was Bill. With a tracheotomy and a feeding tube, he worked in the hot sun for days alongside our other friends. He was the foreman. I was afraid the heat would kill him! He showed up and built us a deck that became the dance floor of dozens of Zane’s friends dancing to the sounds of the Back Street Boys! This love cradled our grief. It kept us from falling apart.
When a loved one passes on, the need to celebrate and honor them comes through the rituals of a funeral, a celebration of their life. It is a time to share stories about them that made us laugh. It is a time to express our sadness with tears of understanding. It is a time to honor our loved one with a sharing of song and prayer, pictures and readings. It is a time to gather and share mutual grief. It is a time to reach out and comfort each other; to hug and hold on to each other. When you are unable to gather and celebrate altogether, where does this grief go?
As humans we need the therapeutic touch of others. We need to break bread together. The current times are difficult for everyone but for those grieving, these times can be unbearable. If you are grieving, reach out. Don’t let your grief become isolated. If you know of one grieving, do what your comfort level will allow you to do to reach out. Bake bread, cook a meal to deliver. Send flowers. Call them or write them to let them know you are thinking of them. Share with them a story of their loved one. Reach out. Even if we can’t hug, reach out.
I will offer to give my friend a big hug. I hope she takes it. Her husband gave the very best, tightest hugs. When he hugged you, you knew you were loved. And I know my friend will miss those. I will too.
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