Good Mourning Grief

A blog about my adventures as a grief warrior

Tag: #lilacfestival

Summer Bucket List Started with Lilac Festival

June 14, 2026 / / 0 Comments

The idea of sipping wine on a sunny patio took a turn this past weekend and didn’t disappoint.

I have been suggesting to my friends that this summer we make a bucket list of ideas we want to do to comfort our grief and celebrate our children. Summer has always been a trigger for our family; it is Zane’s favorite season, his birthday and the anniversary of passing. I used to love this period, now I dread it and, in the desire, to reduce the angst of what our short and beautiful season should be about, I am making a summer bucket list.

Bucket list number one, enjoy Lilac Festival. I used to take the kids down to stroll along fourth street, viewing the artisans’ booths and sampling the food. Zane continued going every year with friends; he loved the energy and vibe of a crowd having fun. Attending would be celebrating him.

Payton and I arrived with the agreement that we would shop and stop for a wine on a sunny patio (a bucket list item). When the clouds rolled in and everyone ran for cover, we ended up in a wine bar.  Seated comfortably at a window table we watched the attendees scatter about in the rain while we sipped a buttery chardonnay and nibbled on appetizers. It was bliss.

When the rain let up, we paid our bill and went on our way to enjoy surprise after surprise. We bumped into Jake and strolled with him. Kelly, the man who found my phone last year on the highway was working a booth with his wife, to which I had the pleasure of meeting and giving both a hug.  (Her business is Modern Whisk and worth checking out!). We had mini donuts, bumped into more friends and ended up on a patio with a group of Zane’s friends in the summer sun, sipping a Jameson-lemonade. Grief took a back seat.

It is such a treat when grief eases. We tend to feel guilty when we catch ourselves smiling, God forbid laughing at life. We are aware that joy is what our loved ones would want for us and yet, we feel more comfortable crying for them, rather than celebrating them.  I think it is the pain of remembering, the belief that they are not here. That thinking is what makes living hard.

We must remember our children are here. Yes, it is painful that they cannot be held physically, but if we wallow in that every moment, we miss out on the signs from them that they are still with us.  Their energy lives on, and when we ask grief to pause so that we may grasp a beautiful moment, we are living for both ourselves and our loved ones. That thinking is what makes grief bearable.

Zane was at Lilac Festival. No coincidence we bumped into his friends, no coincidence there were bubbles around us, balloons floating by and the bar we were at…. his friend told us, “Of course you are sitting at this table, right here.” I asked why and he replied, “this is the table we sat at with Zane on his last Lilac Fest and my last picture of him, I took right here.  He was standing right here.”

I looked over to the spot he was pointing at. I could envision my son, standing there, camera around his neck, drink in his hand. I winked. And he winked back. It’s going to be a beautiful summer.

Under the Lilac Trees

June 8, 2025 /

Zane was two when I took him to the Lilac Festival for the first time. It was a free event with vendors and music and bubbles filling the streets of downtown. It was magical. We both loved the energy of so many people gathering to celebrate the upcoming spring and enjoy the scents of the lilac trees outlining the walkway. After that, he was hooked and attended every year.

This year, I wanted to be there. At my work, we are creating a social media project in honor of Zane. What better day to kick it off then at Lilac Festival, the symbolic event of shaking of the (winter) blues and reconnecting with nature and people. This day captures Zane’s persona beautifully.

There were over 100,000 people this year. Including Zane. The bubbles floating around us. The man who stood in front of us wearing a t-shirt with the quote ‘the dude abides’ were all signs that my son continues to attend this springtime favorite. The festival was as wonderful as I had remembered. We stopped for lunch at a favorite watering hole and nestled into the booth. Jose had invited a friend to join us. When she arrived, she slid in between Jon and Roydon and Jose began introductions. Pointing to each of us as he spoke, he said, “this is mom and dad, this is my brother-in-law and this is my sister”. My heart lit up. I have called Jose my other kid for years. He calls me his Mama J. But hearing it out loud to someone who doesn’t know us or our story, was different.  

I speak of how blessed our family is that Zane has such great friends who continue to include us in their lives, in his honor. My daughter spoke at his celebration of how she grew up with many of his friends, who were like brothers to her. On that day, they promised her to be there as Zane would have been, and they have kept that promise. The bonus is Jon, and I were also adopted by them. I am the mother of five other boys.

We left the kids that afternoon in the company of their friends to continue soaking up Lilac Festival. My heart was full, a rare day where sweet seemed to reign over bitter.  The essence of the Lilac Festival showering over us, the bonds of la familia celebrating a sunny Sunday. A moment each year that Zane discovered early in his life, and whose love of the energy this event brings, he has shared with all of us. Lilac Festival is a tradition of warm, simple connections. An annual gathering our entire family enjoys.  I must remember to attend each year, as my kids do. It is good mourning.    

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