Good Mourning Grief

A blog about my adventures as a grief warrior

Tag: #meditation

The Cosmos, brought to you by Mike Dooley

February 2, 2025 / / 0 Comments

One of my on-line spiritual mentors is Mike Dooley. Before Zane was killed, I had signed up for his emails called “A Note from the Universe”-whimsical emails about life. After Zane was killed, the messages became too real as if God himself was sending them.

August 8th, 2018: the day after Zane was killed. I am in shock.  I need him to come back. My eternal wish from that day forward is a life with him in it. I received this email:

“Be there, Janica. Go there now and never leave. Imagine that your dreams have already come true. Live your life from that mindset…not the illusions that now surround you.”

August 13th, 2018: what should have been his 27th birthday, became the day we gathered to celebrate his life on earth. I received this email:

“There are absolutely no worldly circumstances, Janica, under which you can’t or shouldn’t be making the very best of things.  Including today…”

August 21st, 2018: The agony, the disbelief, I can’t understand or accept how this can be. I receive this email:

“When you see things that pain you, Janica, that sadden you, or that make your heart ache, remember…you’re not seeing all.”

I unsubscribed. I wasn’t ready to hear about joy or that death cannot take the connection I have with my son. I was in too much pain. But the Universe kept sending me opportunities and months later, I started following Mike and signing up for his courses. The most recent course, he introduced us to Davidji, a meditation guru, who took us on a 21-day meditation journey. 

In the privacy of my home, through Facebook, this California Santa welcomed us to “feather our nest as comfort is Queen”. Although it was a meditation journey, each day the lessons gave me tools to deal with my grief.  Some of the teachings brought tears as the reality of my grief bubbled and other meditations brought strength, where hope quietly stepped forward.

We asked our selves, “who am I, what am I grateful for, what does my heart long for?” Then we sat still to listen for the responses to come. I am always changing, perhaps because, with grief, I am learning the new me.  It makes sense and the realization that it is happening becomes acceptable.  I am less frustrated with change. My grateful list is constant. What my heart longs for made me wince. I am not on the path that my heart longs for, but I can now see it.

We learned about forgiveness through meditation. Forgiveness for what we have done that we know of and that we don’t know of. For the hurt bestowed upon us. For the inability to change the past. This meditation opens your heart to how much pain is out there; how much pain is inside each of us that we carry. This meditation empowers you to be aware that there is more than one viewpoint.

I am a cheerleader for meditation; I believe it helps physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  I believe it increases our vibration and thus our ability to connect to our loved ones on the other realm. Davidji and Mike Dooley, together give a box full of effective methods to connect to our own cosmos, to live better with grief and to invite possibility in.

Where Did You Go? by Christina Rasmussen

September 8, 2024 /

One of the very first books I read after Zane was killed was written by Christina Rasmussen. Her story was about her beloved husband who passed from cancer. Her heart could not believe that he was gone, so she set out to search for a way to connect with his spirit. The results and how we can do the same, are captured in her book, “Where Did You Go?”

I bought this book because of the front cover. The title was the question I was asking. The tag line promises a “life-changing journey to connect with those we’ve lost”. Who doesn’t want that? Recently, I found it on my bookshelf and wondered why I didn’t remember this one. I started looking through it again and realized that I comprehended more than I thought. I discovered that my current beliefs and practices were born from this book.

Christina, who is grounded in science, relates to death through the physics lens. She has created a meditational practice using seven ‘chapters’ to open your mind and possibly change the way you grieve. I trusted her words when she said, “Get ready for surprises and be doubted by your friends. Be okay with that. This is your journey, not theirs.”

She suggests listening to binaural beats, a frequency of music which creates a shift in brain activity and drumbeats, which can create a trance state. With that background, she illustrates a ‘temple’ you begin to create through meditation. Back then, I confused temple, thinking it was a place she was trying to get me to create, and I didn’t want that.  I just wanted to be with Zane. Her suggestions were a bit crazy, even for me. So, I finished the book, put it on the shelf and carried on with my grief.

Reading it a second time, I found myself nodding.  Yes, I listen to binaural beats all the time, it’s the only music I can hear. My favorite frequency is 963Hz, which was also the frequency Zane listened to. My meditations usually begin visualizing a path I am on and walking up to a door.  The door changes, depending on my state of mind, but there is a door.  This is the first piece of the temple Christina suggests that you create. It opens your subconscious mind. My meditations are grounded in her theory to how we connect to our loved ones. I had forgotten all of this.

I am reading it over. Now, deeper into my grief journey, and many, many real connections with Zane and my other loved ones across the veil, I am relishing in its suggestions. I am hanging on to each idea to finesse what I already am doing, hoping to strengthen what I already know. What she is teaching is belief. Belief that our loved ones have only exited this realm. They are still very much alive inside a cosmic consciousness that is of one with the infinite universe which includes us. Thank you, Christina, for your far-out theory that has been the salvation of my grief.

How to talk to the dead

March 21, 2021 /

The hardest part of grief is the thought that we will never be able to see or speak to our loved one again. This is the unacceptable truth we face and thus we look for ways to disprove it or to lessen the pain with such practices like finding signs that we believe are from our loved ones. 

In Mary Bertun’s book, “The 21 Day Doorway Across the Veil”, she shares with the reader how to connect with your loved one who is on another realm.  Guided by her son Chas, through stories and tips, each day is an exercise in communication and reflection with space in the book to journal your experience.

I truly enjoyed this book.  With the daily practices, I found meditations and reflections more meaningful.  Her suggested focus of thoughts brought back flashes of childhood memories I had forgotten and gave me a deeper insight to my own being.  I did find a connection to Zane, receiving messages from him through these meditations.  An example was day 8. The thought focus was about joy, which on this particular day I was in tears. During my mediation (with my eyes closed), my computer made a sound that surprised me.  I opened my eyes to glance over and a Pinterest photo had popped up that said, “Let’s visit Banff.” Banff is a favorite of Zane’s and mine. It is a place that brings both of us joy.

 Some days it was a visible sign, like that and some days it was a thought that came into my head like a knowing I did not think of but rather someone just said it to me.  I will choose to believe it was Zane on this day, because the words were as he would have said.  He knew the mountains bring me joy. The message of how to change my tears to joy was crystal clear.

The practices taught in this book brought me both clarification and comfort. We are told our loved ones are always with us so why not seek ways to practice new ways to reach them?  What is there to lose?  Thank you Mary.

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