June. The beckoning of summer. My favorite season up to 2018 because it was also Zane’s favorite season.  It doesn’t seem right enjoying one of his favorites when he is not physically here to do the same. Alas, it will arrive, as it has each year and bring with it missed celebrations with my boy.  I have grown to hate summer.

Summer is all about life in full bloom, alive and colorful.  It depicts everything I am not. It brings with it Stampede, D-Day and birthday. It brings with it the memories of Zane reading in the back yard or sipping his coffee in the mid-morning sun. It brings with it the memories of BBQ’s and tasting his newest recipe, or meeting to enjoy a cold drink at a local patio bar together. It brings the sounds of his laughter coming through my window as he arrives home from work or a night out with friends.  Summer was his season. It belonged to him; he is the essence of summer.

I feel as if I get pulled kicking and screaming through summer. My life is now full of award-winning performances as I pretend, I am ok with any of this. But the toll of summer, it has an effect on my physical and spiritual being that cripples me.  I need to change. I need to do something different. I go back to my learnings, what we are taught to do to face the day with hope and strength. How can I take these lessons and implement them into each day, all summer long, that might support my grief?

We are taught that grief is softened when we are honoring our loved one. We are taught to spend time quietly with our memories.  We are taught to place things in our lives that are what our loved ones were about, what they liked. And I know this. My better days are when I bring Zane into them.  True, they are bittersweet, but I will take bittersweet over just plain bitter any day!

So, how do we do this?  Well, this is the season of planting. Let’s plant things. Let’s plant a tree or a flowerpot or a garden of all their favorite things. Let’s plant a new tradition that brings family and friends together to celebrate them. Let’s plant ourselves in a spot with pictures and memorabilia of them and create a memory album. Let’s plant an idea in our own circles of how to gather and remember our loved ones as a community. And let’s make a point of finding and planting ourselves in places that bring us serenity. Whether that is a park or a coffee shop or a friend’s living room.  Let’s remember how plentiful life can be. Let’s plant the seeds of good mourning. Let’s create a season of plentiful in honor of our loved ones.