She came into my life as the woman who married my husband’s father. She was grandma to my children. She was not always easy to be with because she was opinionated and blunt. Some would say no filter. I’m not sure why she was like that. She seemed oblivious to how some of her comments came across as criticism, but you had to appreciate her “I told you so” attitude. She knew what she liked, and she made sure she got it. These attributes made her seem difficult at times for everyone except my father-in-law. He loved her unconditionally. And when he passed, he asked if we would care for her. And we promised we would.
I woke to the news that she had died. It was not shocking; her age and poor health gave reason for why. It has left me pondering, would my father-in-law say we took care of her? I can find comfort that I did reach out with letters and phone calls. But was that enough? I can make excuses as to why I did not do more. And that made me think, do we create regrets by choosing to not connect. The family and friends that we have who are not as seemingly loveable as others we choose to spend less time with. If there was a misunderstanding or a mishap, it justifies even more why we don’t hang out with them. But does this choice become the foundation to stunt our own growth? Perhaps, in some ways it might.
We have so little time here on this earth. Where do grievances benefit us? If I believe that we all sat at a table planning this life and who would play what role, before we landed here as humans, do I not owe those I encounter some respect for agreeing to share this life with me prior to even meeting? At the very least, when they are hurting, am I not to put my differences aside to hold them? Maybe these are the souls that can enlighten us. If so, then if my choice of action is to ignore, mistreat or walk away, how will enlightenment be mine? I think in our life come these souls whose role is to give opportunities to practice compassion.
Audrey was one of those souls. Her antagonistic wit had us all on our toes. She taught us the importance of clarifying one’s motives. She taught us to go after what you love. She demonstrated that perfection is not part of being human. She taught us that anyone can apologize. She cared deeply for those she loved. She opened her home to us and relished having us travel with her. She did it her way and although that made her come across as sometimes salty, she was real. I liked that about her.
Our family, especially my sister-in-law, took the promise we made seriously. We continued to include her in our lives after the death of my father-in-law. We welcomed her with the understanding that no one is perfect, and we are not to judge the capacity or depth of love expressed from another. We accepted her for her, and we shared time as family. An extra ten years, we would not have had, if we had chosen to walk away. And in those years, there were some great moments that included laughter, cold drinks on a sunny patio and heart-felt conversations. I enjoyed her. I loved her.
As for Audrey, I know she appreciated us. I know that she loved us. I know that wherever she is now, she knows we tried. And that must be good enough for me. We kept our promise.
Audrey, thank you for enlightening me. From you, I have learned that life is too short for regrets. I am grateful for the times we shared and trust that bliss greeted you on the other side. Say hi to everyone there for me.
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