Grief brings with it a lot of negative thinking. Happiness is elusive. The book “Finding the Blue Sky” by Joseph Emet was a suggested read for me to help move my own grey clouds. An enlightening read containing twelve chapters. Each begins with a story, then a reflection and a practice. It is a book that I will be sharing with my grief circle as another tool to help ease our pain.

Mr. Emet speaks of the importance of regulating our moods to obtain balance.  Only in finding balance, will we experience peace. How this comes to be we tend to complicate unnecessarily. We become caught up in ‘our own story’ to which can keep us closed to understanding the pain of others. He shares the story of a noisy neighbor who kept him up all night and when the neighbor shared with him of his multiple losses, Mr. Emet writes, “…all traces of “poor me” slowly drained out of my own story of the night before.”  Being open to the fact that all of us are struggling doesn’t make us happy, it makes us compassionate. He reminds us that there are also stories within stories.  You must be aware of the purpose of your story; of the effect your story has on you. Our stories can deplete our happiness.  He suggests “Do not give up on your happiness. Give up the story you are telling yourself instead.”

How do those grieving change their story? How does our story of loss hold any happiness? Mr. Emet had his work cut out to prove this to me as I continued reading. And the following chapters reaffirmed what we already know. In his delightful and soothing compilations, he reminded me that I must not apologize for my grief. I must own it. I must tend to it through meditation, patience and self-care.

We must be mindful of our real needs and value them. “If we don’t value our needs, others may not value them either.” Mr. Emet suggests that needs can be satisfied through fun. Involving ourselves in activities that we enjoy, is a form of self-care. We can connect and appreciate the ‘right now’ better.  This practice of including fun in our lives helps with our relationships with others and our own self growth.

“We see the world differently depending on our emotional state”. This is so true for those of us whose eternal emotional state is bittersweet. His suggestion is to train your brain to stay in the here and now, to thank your brain for each thought but to not get caught up in that thought. This practice can help wake our soul to what happens, “…not when the alarm rings, but when the meditation bell rings”.  

An enlightening reminder is the tip from Mr. Emet, “Don’t get in your own way”. He writes, “If you want to go someplace, take your foot off the brake.”  So often when grieving we get stuck. Fear, heartache, lack of energy are all realities that hinder exploring happiness. We tend to stay put because we don’t want to leave our loved ones behind. We must remember that they are right beside us. They can be our driving partner. And with that belief, finding the blue sky, might be possible.