Melissa Hull is an internationally recognized voice in grief recovery. Her book, Dear Drew, is about dealing with grief, guilt and discovering resiliency. Her experience comes from the trauma of her young son who passed in a drowning accident. Writing this book, she hoped to help the reader create a life bigger than their grief.

She begins by telling the reader to find an agency; this can be a person, place, anything that offers hope when grief first arrives.  It is a grounding stone. She then expands on how to strengthen the agency through practices, insight and reflection, each chapter starting with a note to her son, “Dear Drew”.

Her story is about her personal journey of losing her son and the guilt that consumed her. She shares her struggles to keep functioning for the sake of her other son, how the stress affected her marriage and the judgement she experienced from others. Her path to survival was found when she became a public speaker sharing the importance of water safety.  The positive feedback of how her talk gave answers, power, and forgiveness became her ability to move forward. At the end of each chapter she shares tips of what helped her that might also help another.

 The moment of agency is the notion I found most interesting. She writes, “To find empowerment in pain, we must recognize and seize the moment of agency.”  Agency is about living by choice or by consequence. Discovering a (new) vision or goals after loss. With every choice presenting itself, each must ask if it is aligned with one’s value system.  Does it open more possibilities to heal. The freedom within agency, to choose or not to choose, gives one control in a life where control was taken away. Recognizing when agency appears, and following the path that is for our better good is how we might rebuild.

Her framework, P.U.R.P.O.S.E. are the steps she took to lead her to a more fulfilling life. Pause & reflect on what matters most. Understand what your triggers and your strengths are. Reach out for support. Pursue small steps daily that involve a hobby or passion project. Open yourself to joy. Set boundaries to protect your energy. Embrace growth knowing that it is never-ending.

As I read this book, I am in awe of the space she now holds after her son’s death. She is a professional grief warrior. I must remind myself that her journey began in May of 2000. Drew was four years old. This book was published in 2025 and is about a beautiful mother who has walked her path for twenty-five years, sharing her truth, her purpose, while practicing her own advice. Her testimony sheds light to how we can morph into something else after great loss.  I found her story encouraging and yet it held a gentle reminder that I have a long way to go. Her reassurance is that agency will bring purpose through which healing is possible, even if there is no finish line in grief.