Anxiety seems to be a common emotion.  Too common. Zane used to ponder how his generation seemed ‘perfect on paper’ but were full of anxiety, depression and worry.  I’m not sure there is a one-size-fits-all answer but I do know that it is prevalent in our society and that everyone experiences it as some level at one time or another. So, how do we deal with it?

Dr. Wolfelt, the guru on grief, has a series of short reads related to different aspects of grief. One book in this series is “The Anxiety of Grief” which I picked up to read with the angst of spring hitting me hard and interested in how my grief compounds this unpleasant emotion.

As in his other books, he first defines the issue, in this case, what is anxiety, and then continues, probing the reader to make lists, complete thoughts on paper and to reflect to better understand why one is feeling this way. He outlines the emotional and physical effects of grief related to anxiety and warns us of the red flags when anxiety is trying to morph into a disorder. Avoidance, obsessive thinking and lack of self-care are the biggest flags.

Anxiety is brought on by the same things that trigger our grief. Certain holidays, milestones, or sensory experiences.  Triggers that are not so obvious are hunger, dehydration, exhaustion and concurrent life stressors, like work or financial worry.

Dr. Wolfelt writes about the importance of expressing our anxiety. When one has suffered a loss, anxiety is a part of the grief experience. Managing anxiety can be done in the same ways as grief.  He suggests meditating, writing, talking, finding a support group or sometimes just having a good cry. He speaks of the importance of tuning into your body and of creating a routine. I know that when my routine is respected, I feel calmer, in control. I am becoming protective of my routine to ease my anxiety and my grief.

He finishes the book by telling the reader of the importance of congruence. Congruence is expressing with words and actions how you are feeling; your outside matches your inside.  It is your truth. Ignoring it will compound anxiety. We practice this with our grief and knowing that anxiety is part of grief, we can respect this emotion and put into place practices to ease it along side of our sadness.

Dr. Wolfelt states that “Your grief isn’t you. It’s something moving through you.”  I have yet to believe that. I’m just getting comfortable with the idea that grief is the other side of love. I am not letting go of love, so if it is true that grief is loves counterpart, I must accept the darker side. I believe that my grief moves within me, not through me. It is here to stay. And learning how to deal with the emotions of my loss, including anxiety, can help grief move easier.