We live with grief. Emily Graham does too.  In her book, “Confessions of Child Loss”, Emily shares with us the death of her seven-year-old son Cameron. Her story is an honest recalling of how being thrown into the community, the “Child Loss Club” changed her outlook on life.

She shares with us the dark side of what happens when grief moves in. How it numbed her emotions and had her struggle as she needed to continue being there for her two daughters. She talks about the fears of forgetting him and the questions from strangers of how many kids do you have.  What happened to your son? The grief bursts that accompany these conversations.

She speaks the universal language of the grief community and reveals how time and a desire to never say goodbye to Cameron brought her forward. She shares what wonders can come to be when we believe that they are still here. The signs, related to Cameron like the number 12 showing up in unexplainable ways; seeing synchronicities supported her change of thinking from ‘he is gone’ to ‘he is here still’.  With that belief, she began talking to her son’s spirit, playing games in the car with his energy, and looking for more signs. Which she received.  She tells us this brings a shift into your brokenness. For her, these activities inspired her to strive to be a better version of herself.  

Emily writes that grief does not end, but that from her experience, it will change.  She gives five suggestions to help you alter your grief.

  1. Redefine your grief experience.
  2. Lean into the pain.
  3. Reach acceptance…not the same as approval. We are not ok with it, but we must accept what happened.
  4. Self care is critical.
  5. Connection to our child…the relationship continues after death, talk about them, bring them forward with you.

Personally, I struggle with suggestion number 3. She is farther ahead in her journey than I am, so perhaps with further time I might get there.  Suggestion number 5 is what I found the most exciting.  It coincides with a line in her book, my favorite line, giving hope.   “You no longer have to live without them.  You can live with them in a different way.”  Here’s to that.