I started 2024 with a prayer for a softer year. We needed time to adjust to the multiple losses experienced in the previous period. My prayer was not answered. In fact, the Universe carried on bringing with it more losses, more bad news, more struggles. And ended with the news that one of my favorite people has a brain tumor.

When I shared this news with friends, two of them said that they are thinking of reviewing how bad they want to be friends with me.  I seem to be a beacon for death. Although we giggle, that is not true, it does seem that the last half decade has been overflowing with grief for us. To which I struggle to justify.  The why us? Our plate runneth over and still the servings come.

The past, and ongoing present has proved there is no escape from loss. The control we have is only how we handle it.  And I think we handle it well. Most times. We are open with our feelings; we carry those who have gone, with us in conversation and acts of honor. I am learning better to listen to my grief and what she needs. I am always searching for tiny specs of silver along life’s lining. 

And in between all this sadness, there have been happy moments of connection and celebration. I am not discarding those.  In fact, they are heightened when we live in a state of when will the next shoe fall. Gratitude is practiced. And appreciated. So, as I reflect on this year, the path we travelled has had turns and obstacles and the common denominator seems to be grief. Grief is walking beside us.

Moving into the New Year, I am going to remember this. That grief is not leaving. That it requires quiet times, slower days, and self-care. Grief is not the enemy; it is the continuation of love. How lucky am I to have a life filled with so much love. My prayer to the universe this year is not for less, but for more. More hope, more strength, more ability to walk better with my grief on the path with those I love who are here, with those who are going and with those who have already gone to the other side.

God, if I am a beacon, let it be to care for the broken. Including me.