The original meaning behind the phrase “the point of no return” came from aviation describing the moment in the flight where the airplane had used enough fuel that it could not return to its starting point. That was the point that it must continue towards wherever it was headed, regardless of any challenges that could arise.

Today, this phrase is commonly used as a social term.  A warning to which emphasizes a moment of urgency. It is a sign to stop and become fully aware of what will be the next thoughts, words, actions, as they could be irreversible. It is in that moment that we must decide, will moving forward from this point be a positive one or will it be regrettable. In our daily life, there are many decisions made without much thought of are we about to pass the point of no return. Thus, there needs to be an understanding of what the point of no return is and the importance of it to sustain healthy relationships.

In my life, I have been asked to do that. To ponder my relationships and my involvement in each and to alter, correct or quit the course. I have never considered doing this. I felt my life is filled with people that have entered for a reason, season or lifetime and the Universe decides when they depart. But I have been pressed to do so. For my health. For the health of those I care for. It is my mental homework this week.

The instructions are simple; the assignment is difficult. Easy to list who I care for in my life. It is a long list. Easy to prioritize which relationships I feel need attention. So, one starts there, asking why each relationship is important. The obvious fact that they are family, friend or a partner doesn’t count. There are no titles in this assignment. The focus is about the person, regardless of the designation that may connect you.

The reflection begins with answering does this person generally make me feel energized or depleted. Am I able to be my true self. Is there reciprocity. It ends with the contemplation of what is the point of no return in this relationship. That is the hard question, what could that be, what to do and will I have the courage to do so if I get to that point.  

 The answers should involve your individual needs and wants. None of this can be answered until the question, “what is needed to be my best” is answered. And that is why it is difficult. If you don’t know, how would you know who fits into your life. This is a contemplative exercise to which is to be done with deep thought and lots of pauses.

This is an exercise that can be used for our grief too. It can help us decide what we require in our grief from others.  And if we do not receive that, the point of no return, what does that look like?   The idea of this exercise is to gain a better understanding of our own needs such that we can cultivate mutually positive relationships.

The point of no return is the catch net. It is the action decided when one is confronted with a situation to which goes against their values.  It is a boundary designed to ensure that we keep safe. Understanding that it is more of how to face the challenge (as in the aviation definition) than a harsh alienation (as in the social term) might make it more acceptable. My point of no return is about how do I face the challenge presented at that point. Not how do I crash the plane.