The doctors have told us that Kirk’s life expectancy is now just a couple of weeks. We hold that remark in our hearts, but we already knew.  Each visit, we can see the changes in his eyes, his breathing, and his low vitality.  And each visit ends with him telling us, he needs to save his energy.  This visit, I asked him, “Honey, what are you saving your energy for?” He replied, “tomorrow”.

I remember having a conversation with Zane about what he wanted to do when he graduated. He wanted to travel and move into his own place by the river and pay off his car.  Simple, easy, expected goals. I asked what he was doing to achieve these things and he said, “small steps that help me actively wait”.

Actively waiting is a constructive approach to goals.  It is about knowing what you want or need and then doing small things towards that. It is about being patient, waiting for the changes to arrive with those actions in place. Kirk seems to be doing this naturally.  Waking to talk to family and friends that come by. Adding to the conversation with his witty humor and his always positive perspective. And then resting. I am sure he is beginning to understand on some cosmic level, what he is waiting for. Although he would prefer to be here, he is almost ready for his next adventure.  

In the meantime, actively waiting is different for his family. Kirk’s goal is to be ready for his afterlife. Our goal is to help prepare his departure to heaven. We have visited the funeral home, planning for a celebration worthy of the man who will be leaving earth. We have talked about what we still might need to say before… We begin to pull together pictures and stories that will be shared as a group, soon to be gathered to say goodbye to a father, grandfather, brother, and friend.

Actively waiting isn’t easy.  It requires a strength to move towards the inevitable or desired outcome, taking little steps to ensure that once we have arrived, we have done our best.  When a loved one is dying, actively waiting carries with it a large component of grief. All the steps you are taking you are acutely aware that the goal is about dealing with death.  A goal that contains one hoping for longer, while preparing for when time stops. It is also good mourning. We are putting into place things now that will be needed for later to help us manage both a broken heart and the honoring of our friend. We are taking Zane’s advice; small steps that help us actively wait.